Two people in crisis at the same time, needing opposite things.
After trust breaks, one partner usually needs information and the other needs the conversation to stop. Couples work gives that collision structure, so repair becomes possible and neither of you is handling it alone at 1am.
Nothing about this is required to be calm before you come in.
Most couples reach me within weeks of a discovery, or after months of a slow unraveling neither of them can name. The pattern is familiar: long interrogations that resolve nothing, promises that hold for a while, a partner reading old messages at 2am and hating herself for it, and a man answering questions in a way that technically is not lying.
I do not need you to arrive regulated, agreed, or polite. I need you both willing to be in the same room while it gets said accurately.
Sessions are 50 minutes, weekly to start, in Long Beach or by telehealth anywhere in California. Se habla español.
This page is written for both of you. Choose where you are sitting.
You are allowed to be as unwell as you are right now.
What you are living with has a name: betrayal trauma. The checking, the intrusive images, the interrogations you promised yourself you would not start, the humiliation of asking the same question again, those are trauma responses, not character defects.
In session you get direct time that is about you, not about managing his process. We work on stabilizing your daily life, deciding what information you actually want, and separating the question of whether you can trust him from the question of whether you can trust yourself. You have been calling your own instincts wrong for a while. That gets addressed.
You are also not required to forgive anything on a schedule. Nobody in this room, including me, gets to tell you when you are done being angry.
How the work tends to unfold
A description of the shape, not a promise about your outcome. Every couple moves at their own pace, and the pace is generally set by the partner who was hurt.
Sessions 1-2
Getting the room safe enough to be honest in
I hear from both of you, together and separately. We establish what is going to happen in here, how we handle escalation, and what each of you most needs in the next two weeks. The goal early on is not resolution. It is stopping the bleeding.
What couples ask on the consultation call, usually in this order.
Frequently Asked Questions
Either of you can make the first call
It does not have to be a joint decision to start. Fifteen minutes on the phone, free, and I will tell you what I would do first.