It is closer to a set of position pieces. I write something here when I keep saying the same thing in sessions and want it available before the first call rather than during it.

Do you write about clients?

No. Nothing here comes from a client's story, and there are no case examples, composites or quotes. What I describe are patterns common enough that they belong to no one in particular.

Can I read something before deciding whether to call?

That is largely why it exists. If the writing reads like someone you could be honest with, the consultation call will be a short step. If it does not, you have saved yourself an hour.

Journal: Writing on Shame, Sexuality and Repair

Start here

The piece that explains how I work, and why.

Still, pale water holding a low band of morning light

Position piece

Why I don't use the word addict

I am a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and I still do not use that word about the men I work with. Not because it offends me. It describes a person instead of a pattern, and a pattern is the only one of the two that can change.

September 2026 · 8 minute read

Read the piece

For the man who freezesWhy do I shut down when my partner raises their voice?You are not refusing to engage. Something older than the argument decided the safest available move was to go still, and it decided it before you had a chance to weigh in.August 2026 · 7 minute read
Noticing the patternWhy the urges get loudest when I feel insecureThe urge does not show up when you feel wanted and useful. It shows up at the end of the day you felt small in. That is not a coincidence, and it is the most useful thing you have noticed so far.August 2026 · 7 minute read
The day afterI told her. Now what?You said it out loud and the room did not recover by morning. Here is what the next few days usually ask of you, and the honest answer about what I cannot tell you.July 2026 · 8 minute read
A better questionIs my porn use actually a problem?I am not going to give you a checklist that decides for you. I am going to offer you a better question than the one you came in with: not how much, but what it costs and what it is for.July 2026 · 8 minute read
Before you callWhat a first session with me is actually likeWhat the room is, what I will ask, what I will not ask, and why you do not have to tell me everything on the first day for the hour to be worth it.June 2026 · 6 minute read
EssayHow men are taught not to need anyoneMost of the men I sit with are not short of people. They are short of anywhere to be honest. This is the piece about how that gets built, and what I think it costs all of us.May 2026 · 9 minute read
For partnersWhat betrayal trauma does to the bodyYou cannot sleep, you cannot eat, and you keep checking. Nothing is wrong with you. Your body registered a real event and is doing what bodies do with information like that.May 2026 · 8 minute read

What this is for

Reading first is a legitimate way to start.

A lot of men spend months deciding whether to call anyone at all, and most of that time goes on wondering how they will be seen. Writing is the cheapest way I know to answer that in advance.

Nothing here is a substitute for therapy, and nothing here is about a specific person. It is what I think, stated plainly, so you can decide whether it sounds like someone you could tell the truth to.

See what I work with