Your sexuality is not the problem to be solved. It is the thing we are building.
Every other page here describes something a man is moving away from. This one is about what he is moving toward: closeness he does not have to manage, desire he can say out loud, and a private life that matches the public one.
The practice is called SoCal Healthy Intimacy because that is the actual subject.
A great deal of the writing about men and sexual behavior is organized around subtraction: less of this, none of that, a count of days. Subtraction is a poor organizing principle for a life. Nobody has ever built a marriage out of an absence.
So the question I keep coming back to with men is not what you want to stop. It is what you want, described specifically, in your own words, without editing it for how it will sound. Most men have never been asked, and the first attempt is usually short.
It gets longer. Here are the five things it tends to include.
You can have a good relationship and still not know how to be in it.
None of these require anything to have gone wrong. Open whichever one you recognize.
Adult, direct, and unembarrassed.
We talk about sex in plain words. I am not going to flinch, moralize, or reach for clinical vocabulary to make it safer for myself. If a session can be a place where a man says what he actually likes and nothing bad happens, that on its own is doing something.
A lot of the work is practice rather than insight: naming a want, making a request, tolerating the pause afterward, saying the true thing instead of the smooth thing. Then noticing what happens in your body when someone stays.
For men working on compulsive behavior, this is where that work is heading, and it is usually the part that finally makes the rest of it stick. For men who arrive with nothing dramatic to report, it is simply the whole of it.
Individual work, couples work, or the men’s group, the material is the same and the room is a practical choice.
I want men to leave here with a sexuality they would choose in daylight, not one they have learned to police.
Asked more carefully than the questions on the other pages.
Frequently Asked Questions
Start with what you want
A free 15-minute phone consultation. You are welcome here without a crisis, a label, or a story about what went wrong.